


First Snow

by lildemonlili



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 08:12:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16869343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lildemonlili/pseuds/lildemonlili
Summary: “How long?” A familiar voice asks.Jeongyeon opens her eyes and finds Nayeon’s. “How long what?”“How long have you been in love with Mina?”Jeongyeon looks at her with a frown. “I’m not.”“You sure about that?”





	First Snow

**Author's Note:**

> Finally got a chance to finish my rooftop fic! If any of you have read Melting (NaMo fic), these are the same girls as in this one! Just a later time!

There are days that don’t really matter, when you look at the big picture. And then there are the ones that change everything. Or maybe not everything, but a fair amount. But that day passes too. And the next. And then it’s a week, a month, and suddenly, winter is almost here, and nothing has changed at all.

And then there are days where curious eyes look up at a white cover of clouds.

 

Jeongyeon sighs. Looks out the window at the girl standing on the rooftop terrace, lights in her eyes and her head turned to the sky. Then looks down at her fingers clamped familiarly around the fretboard. Closes her eyes and lets her mind travel back to a time when it was all simpler. When she wasn’t dealing with a constant urge to run. 

“How long?” A familiar voice asks.

Jeongyeon opens her eyes and finds Nayeon’s. “How long what?”

“How long have you been in love with Mina?”

Jeongyeon looks at her with a frown. “I’m not.”

“You sure about that?” Nayeon’s voice is soft. Almost too soft. As if Jeongyeon is ill. Jeongyeon turns again to look at the girl on the terrace.

 

…

 

_ “You’re in love with her…” Jeongyeon says quietly. _

 

_ There’s a point you reach, sometimes, where there is no alternative but the truth. Where, no matter the consequence, there are words that need to be said. _

_ Sana stops, and her hand slips from Jeongyeon’s. And suddenly it seems like a world apart on the sidewalk halfway between downtown and their apartment. _

_ It was just another one of their friday night dates, and they’re both tired and full from the massive amount of waffles they had eaten for dessert. _

_ “Jeongyeon.” Sana says, her voice already shaking. Jeongyeon knows the truth already but this just confirms it. _

_ “I don’t blame you.” Jeongyeon says. It’s important that Sana knows this. Afterall, just the fact that the two of them had lasted as long as their did was a testament to the fact that feelings couldn’t be controlled.  _

_ Sana’s mouth opens slightly and her eyes glaze over. “I… Jeongyeon, I didn’t mean, I never meant-” _

_ “I know. It’s okay. Like I said, I don’t blame you. I just wish you had told me.” Jeongyeon shrugs. Maybe it’s the fact that she had been going over it in her mind for the better part of a month, but Jeongyeon feels calm. Already knows what to do and what to say. _

_ “I didn’t know how. And even if I had told you it wouldn’t matter, because I’m never going to act on it.” Sana tries, stepping closer to Jeongyeon. And Jeongyeon lets her. Even lets her take Jeongyeon’s hand. _

_ “I know you didn’t plan on doing anything, but I still wish you had told me.” Jeongyeon says, _

_ “I’m sorry.” Sana mutters. Looks down at their hands. Jeongyeon can’t bear to break the hold, but can’t bear to return it either. So she just lets Sana hold on. “I never meant to.” _

_ “I know.” Jeongyeon says. _

_ “I don’t want to leave you. I-I… I want to stay with you.” Sana’s voice shivers, and it feels like the temperature has dropped several degrees. But it’s just the sun setting behind the buildings, leaving them in shadow. “Please. Jeongyeon… don’t leave me.” _

_ “I’m not.” Jeongyeon mutters. “It’s you who’s leaving me.” _

_ “But I’m not. I’m not. It’s just a crush, I’ll get over it. Please just forgive me.” Sana begs, her grip on Jeongyeon’s hand tight. _

_ Jeongyeon shrugs. “There’s nothing to forgive. You haven’t done anything wrong.” _

_ “It doesn’t bother you?” Sana asks, almost a little bit offended. _

_ “Of course it bothers me.” Jeongyeon says, her voice finally threatening to break. The calm making way for something much worse. Something she knows now that her body had tried to protect her from. “... It’s breaking my heart.” _

_ For a second Sana lets go of Jeongyeon’s hand, but when she reaches again, Jeongyeon pulls away. Is sure that the next touch will make her body break into a million pieces. _

_ “Jeong…” Sana mutters, tears trickling silently down her cheeks, “I love you.” _

_ “I love you too.” Jeongyeon whispers. Finds Sana’s eyes and feels herself cave. Can’t do it after all.  _

_ It had been her plan to make Sana see the sense in Sana leaving her for Mina. Or rather, in letting Jeongyeon move out and make room for them to find out whatever could happen between them. Because Jeongyeon had deduced that if Sana loved Mina - and it really was obvious that she did - then she must not love Jeongyeon. Yet there was nothing but love in Sana’s wet eyes as she looked at Jeongyeon.  _

 

_ Only love. _

 

_ “Promise me you’ll tell me if you start feeling like you want something to happen? Don’t ever cheat on me.” Jeongyeon asks, cupping Sana’s cheek gently. _

_ “I promise.” Sana leans into the soft touch, daringly letting her lips press against the palm of Jeongyeon’s hand. “Jeongyeon, I’m gonna get over her. I promise.” _

_ “It’s okay if you don’t. I just want to know.” _

_ “It’s you I love…” _

_ “And her.” Jeongyeon says quietly. _

_ Sana’s eyes spill over, and Jeongyeon can’t help but wipe them away. Can never stand to see Sana sad. It’s how they got together in the first place - Jeongyeon comforting her when she had flunked an important exam because she was so worn out from her other subjects. _

_ Sana’s voice shivers when she finally says it. “... And her.” _

 

_ It was perhaps the scariest thing, to stay. And maybe the worst idea. But she couldn’t bear to leave Sana. Wasn’t sure she would ever be happy again if not with Sana. Even if Sana wasn’t fully hers anymore. There was only the hope that she someday would be again. _

 

…

 

“It’s…” Jeongyeon stars, then clears her throat, looking her best friend in the eyes. “It’s not me who’s in love with Mina.”

Nayeon tuts. “Look, I’m perfectly aware that Sana is in love with her. She has been for months. What I’m asking is how long  _ you _ , most annoying gloomy strummer, have been in love with her.”

“I’m not.” Jeongyeon puts down the guitar. Finds herself looking out of the window. Mina has the tip of her tongue out, and Jeongyeon realizes that it’s snowing. The first snow, falling gracefully from the white skies. The girl giggles as a flake falls onto her tongue and she sticks it out further to catch more.

So this was why Mina had been standing outside for the past half hour.

 

…

 

_ The leaves turn slowly from green to yellow and red, and Jeongyeon can see how they threaten to fall. Can sense that soon it will all be naked and grey - unforgiving snow falling over their lives. Jeongyeon puts down the pen and looks over her notes. There’s a disharmony in the composition right before the bridge, but she can’t solve it. Has been trying all kinds of things to make it sound good, but it’s no use. She’s just too distracted. _

_ “Jeongyeonie?” Sana’s voice is small as she pops her head into their room. She seems impossibly small in her fear, and Jeongyeon reads her like an open book. _

_ “Yeah?” Jeongyeon makes room on the bed next to her. She knows what Sana is going to tell her, but this time Jeongyeon wants her to say it herself. Is proud of her bravery, of her progress, despite the consequences of this conversation. _

_ Sana sits down. Stares at Jeongyeon’s hand, her own twitching. Jeongyeon opens her palm, offering it to Sana. A sniffle makes Jeongyeon’s eyes find Sana’s face instead. She’s crying. Then her hand is in Jeongyeon’s. _

_ “I don’t know what to do.” _

_ “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Sana. You just have to make a choice.” _

_ “But I don’t like either choice.” Sana whimpers. “I don’t want to be without you. Ever.” _

_ Jeongyeon nods. Is just as calm as the first time, without really knowing why. Maybe because she has seen the way Mina lights up around Sana. They way Sana keeps struggling with the balance. Has seen the two fall for each other. It’s just not this that scares her. It’s the fact that she’s not mad. That her heart is breaking and mending all at the same time, from seeing them. And she wonders if she even loves Sana. Because how can you love someone and not feel infuriated that she’s falling deeper in love with someone else. _

_ “I asked her.” Sana whispers, pulling Jeongyeon from her thoughts. Jeongyeon squeezes her hand. Like a best friend, more than a lover. And maybe they just aren’t anymore. _

_ Jeongyeon waits. _

_ There’s a moment where Sana’s face lights up in a brilliant smile. Then it crumbles and she hiccups, tears streaming down her face as she croaks out the three words that change their lives forever. _

_ “She likes me.” _

_ Jeongyeon knew it already. Nods and tries to prepare herself for the blow. For the break. But Sana doesn’t say any more. Just cries, holding on to Jeongyeon’s hand. And Jeongyeon runs her thumb over Sana’s skin. Wishes she could take all of Sana’s pain away. _

_ “You could ask her out? If you want to.” Jeongyeon says. “It’s okay.” _

_ Sana looks at her, a frown on her face. Doesn’t speak. Just searches Jeongyeon’s face for what feels like an eternity. _

_ “You don’t love me?” _

_ Jeongyeon feels the hurt in her words. Then a lump in her throat. “I don’t know. I mean, I love you so much but I… don’t know.” _

_ Sana nods. But when she makes to let go of Jeongyeon’s hand, the older girl tightens the grip. Tugs at her hand. _

_ “Jeongyeon.” Sana whispers. _

_ “Please.” Jeongyeon croaks. Can’t say any more than that. _

_ But Sana nods. Leans in slowly, inhaling unsteadily before pressing her lips to Jeongyeon’s. Everything explodes inside of Jeongyeon. Like a flame burst from nothing, she leans into the kiss, hand behind Sana’s neck, keeping her as close as possible. Feels how Sana responds, immediately deepening the kiss. How she lets go of Jeongyeon’s hand to wrap the older girl in her arms. _

 

_ Jeongyeon never wants her to let go. _

 

… 

 

“Yeah, not at all in love. God, have you ever seen yourself when you look at her?” 

Nayeon’s words rudely drag Jeongyeon back.

“Excuse me?” Jeongyeon is barely there, her mind on the night they agreed that Sana would date Mina without leaving Jeongyeon. The night they fell asleep at four in the morning, limbs tangled together, exhausted but sure of each other. It hadn’t been a lack of love that had made Sana fall for Mina. And it hadn’t been a lack of love that had made Jeongyeon allow it. Once more Jeongyeon looks out at the girl, and she’s skipping slightly in place as the flakes fall bigger and heavier, landing in her hair and on her shoulders. Melting on her red cheeks.

“That, right there! You have this dopey ass grin on your face like she’s making life itself worthwhile.”

“What?” jeongyeon asks impatiently, not really sure where the heck Nayeon is going with this.

“Okay, so not right now but up until I spoke you had the stupid grin on your face, like she’s the cutest thing in the world.” Nayeon huffs. “Don’t get me wrong, she is, it’s like a universal concept, but please for the love of god, do something about it.”

 

…

 

_ “Jeongyeon-unnie?” Mina’s voice is barely audible over the sound of Momo and Nayeon bickering laughingly in the kitchen, but Jeongyeon still hears it. As if her ears are tuned to notice the girl. _

_ “You okay?” Jeongyeon asks immediately, a nervous expression on the other girl’s face. _

_ Mina shrugs and tugs at the sleeves of her hoodie. Sits down on the couch next to Jeongyeon, at a respectable distance. _

_ “I know you gave your okay for… For Sana to date me. But I need to know some things.” Mina’s voice is calm, but her eyes are focused on the couch pillow instead of Jeongyeon’s face. Not that this is new. She doesn’t really like eye contact. But the fact that she doesn’t blink at all makes it obvious that she’s nervous. _

_ “Of course.” Jeongyeon shifts in the couch, turning to face Mina. The younger girl shifts her gaze to Jeongyeon’s arm. _

_ “You two are still a couple, yeah?” _

_ “Yes.” Jeongyeon nods. _

_ “Yes.” Mina repeats. Wraps her arms around her knees and digs the fingers of one hand into the back of the other. Jeongyeon wishes she could get Mina to stop. Can see the marks it leave. But it’s just a nervous tick and Jeongyeon knows that. Still, she almost takes Mina’s hand. Just to calm her. Almost. _

_ “Do you want to know if something happens?” _

_ “What do you mean?” Jeongyeon asks. _

_ “What I mean… If I kiss her. Do you want to know? Do you want to see it or should we keep it only to when you aren’t there? I don’t want to hurt you.” _

_ “It’s okay, Mina. You don’t hurt me.” _

_ “But I’m about to date your girlfriend. That must hurt?” Mina finds Jeongyeon’s eyes for a moment, but she averts them too soon after. Jeongyeon wishes she could know what it would be like to look into her eyes for more than a few seconds. Not that she’d ever dare try. _

_ “It would hurt more if I couldn’t be with her. Or if she wasn’t happy. This way Sana is happy, and if you make her happy, then I have to let her.” _

_ “You make her happy too.” Mina blurts quickly. “So happy.” _

_ “I know.” Jeongyeon says, almost touching Mina’s hand again. _

_ “Good.” Mina breathes. “Will you answer my questions?” _

_ “Of course.” Jeongyeon nods. Mina looks up for a second again, and there’s an entire soul in her eyes that Jeongyeon wishes she knew better. “You can kiss and whatever else any time you want. I don’t mind seeing it. I think. I… Actually. I think I need to see you kiss before I can answer, if that’s okay?” _

_ Mina nods. “Okay.” _

_ “Have you kissed before?” _

_ “Anyone?” _

_ “Sana, but… yeah, anyone?” _

_ Mina shakes her head and scrunches her nose. “I don’t really fall for people easily, and most people think me weird.” _

_ “Oh.” Jeongyeon nods. _

_ “Do you want to see it when I kiss her?” Mina asks. _

_ The phrasing takes Jeongyeon slightly aback. An unexpected amount of confidence for someone so apparently timid, especially when she hasn’t ever kissed anyone before. Especially when she’s talking about kissing someone who already has a girlfriend. _

_ “What?” Mina giggles, her cheeks pinking. _

_ “Just… No, you just always seem to surprise me.” Jeongyeon smiles. “I think it’s up to you if you want your first kiss to be with me looking or not.” _

_ Mina nods. “I don’t mind. It’s more practical anyway.” _

_ “Practical? Mina, it’s a first kiss it doesn’t have to be practical.” _

_ “What doesn’t have to be practical?” _

_ Jeongyeon snaps her head around to see Sana standing with a bag of groceries and a frown on her face. _

_ “I- uh.” Jeongyeon can feel her cheeks warming. _

_ “A kiss.” Mina answers calmly. _

_ “Oh.” Sana breathes. Puts the grocery bag on the dining table and looks from Mina to Jeongyeon. _

_ “What… are you talking about?” _

_ “Uh-” Jeongyeon fumbles and looks at Mina for help. Mina giggles and nods, as if she’s read Jeongyeon’s mind. She just doesn’t read it quite in the way Jeongyeon had intended. Because instead of explaining that they had been talking about the rules of the relationships, Mina merely gets up and walks over to Sana. Takes her hand and looks at her. Then looks back at Jeongyeon for confirmation. _

_ Jeongyeon nods. It’s okay. Honestly, Jeongyeon can’t help but be a little bit humored. Sana seems utterly confused and mostly looks like she’s going to back away, and Mina - their timid little Mina - looks almost giddy, lip tugged between her teeth as she turns back to Sana. _

_ “Can I kiss you?” _

_ Mina’s question is as calm and conversational as if she had asked whether Sana had remembered to buy milk. And Sana’s reaction makes Jeongyeon chuckle. She immediately starts giggling, her face red. _

_ “I don’t- J-jeong-” Sana stammers, turning to find Jeongyeon’s eyes. But Jeongyeon merely gestures her  _ go ahead _ and crosses her arms, trying to prepare. _

_ Sana turns back to Mina. Looks down at their hands and then clears her throat. _

_ Mina tilts her head. _

_ “Y-yes then.” Sana finally whispers, looking up at Mina’s face. _

_ Mina smiles. Leans in and presses her lips to Sana’s. Barely a second before she draws back, immediately looking around to Jeongyeon. _

_ Only then just Jeongyeon fully register what just happened. That someone else has just kissed her Sana. But somehow, when she looks at Sana, she’s no less hers than she was a moment ago. She’s just also Mina’s. _

_ Jeongyeon looks back at Mina. Nods, answering her silent question. It was okay. _

 

…

 

A sharp pain on Jeongyeon’s forehead brings her back to reality, and she sees Nayeon standing with her finger ready for flick Jeongyeon’s forehead once more. Jeongyeon glares and swats her hand away.

“Stop it.”

“You keep zoning out. You can’t keep living in the past. You have to go do something about it. It’s so simple, I honestly don’t get it.”

“What’s simple? Which part of this is simple, please explain?” Jeongyeon snaps.

Nayeon sighs. And for a moment it looks like she’s gonna explain it as if Jeongyeon is a thick five year old. But then her eyes soften and she tilts her head a bit.

“Love, Yoo Jeongyeon. It’s why you let them date, why you didn’t leave Sana when she fell for Mina. Why you didn’t mind Mina kissing Sana. Love.”

“I know I love her.”

“I’m not talking about Sana, we both know you’d go to hell and back for that girl. I’m talking about Mina. It’s the fact that you love both Sana  _ and  _ Mina.”

“Still doesn’t make it simple.”

“Of course it does. Because in about two seconds I’m gonna ask you to imagine what it would be like to kiss Mina and your face is- is gonna do  _ exactly _ what it is right now.”

Jeongyeon can feel it as Nayeon talks. How her lips split in a grin and her stomach does a somersault. And it’s really no use anymore, to convince Nayeon of something Jeongyeon doesn’t even believe anymore either.

Of course Nayeon is right.

It’s the damn most annoying thing about her - she somehow always is.

Still, Jeongyeon takes just a little bit of pride in Nayeon’s offended glare as Jeongyeon turns and walks away, out to the front door. Then completely and utterly ignores the older girl when Jeongyeon walks back past her, her own coat on and Mina’s over her arm.

“Go get her!” Nayeon calls after her.

“Go choke.” Jeongyeon hisses, but when Nayeon just laughs, Jeongyeon turns, a hand on the handle to the rooftop terrace. “And just so you know. I know that spot wasn’t Mina’s cereal.”

The sound of Nayeon’s breath catching in her throat was the last thing Jeongyeon hears before she shuts the door, the quiet of the world settling as she walks into the first snow falling around her. Feels a flake on her eyelash, on her cheek, on her hand and in her hair.

Mina doesn’t notice her. Not until Jeongyeon is almost close enough to touch her. Quickly retreating her tongue she looks at Jeongyeon, a giddy gummy grin on her face. It makes her eyes crinkle. Then her gaze falls on the jacket and she tilts her head.

“I thought you might be cold. You’ve been standing out here for a while.” Jeongyeon says, brushing the snow from Mina’s hoodie before she opens the jacket for Mina. The younger girl giggles and lets Jeongyeon help get it on. 

“Thank you. I think I forgot myself in this. Waiting for the snow to fall, I mean.”

“You do this every year?” Jeongyeon asks.

“When I can.” Mina nods. “I like the taste of the air when it snows.”

“Taste?” Jeongyeon frowns.

“I don’t know how else to describe it, but it tastes special when it snows. Hopeful? I know it doesn’t make much sense, but-”

“No, it does. It’s the same as the first warm day, right? You can taste the warmth in the air and you get hopeful?”

“Yes.” Mina breathes, her lips splitting in a wide grin.

“What hope does it taste like then?” Jeongyeon asks.

“Mm, I don’t know yet.” Mina says, sticking out her tongue to catch another flake. “Nope, not sure.”

“Here, let me try.” Jeongyeon says. Sticks out her tongue too, angling her face to the sky and closes her eyes.

The flake melts on her tongue immediately. And the next. And she tastes it. Hope. The vigor of the air surges through her lungs and the feeling of snowflakes melting on her face. But next thing she’s staring down at Mina again, because there’s a hand in Jeongyeon’s - cold and soft. A playful smile tugs at Mina’s lips, but it’s not until she giggles that Jeongyeon realizes she still has her tongue out. With a blush, Jeongyeon presses her lips together. Finds that Mina’s eyes are still on her face. Her hand still in Jeongyeon’s.

And it feels like a circle closing naturally as Jeongyeon kisses her. As they stand in the snow with slow moving lips and fingers that find the spaces between each other.

 

Sana is there when they get inside, freezing and with runny noses. But she merely scolds them for risking a cold. Makes them hot cocoa and wraps an arm around either of them in the couch. Kisses their foreheads with warm lips.

 

It’s simple, after all.


End file.
